© 2009 Douglas Filter
Once upon a time, a Mommy pig told her three sons that she had taken care of them long enough. They had finished school, she was proud of them, but it was time for each of them to go out and start a life of their own. She was sure that she had taught them everything they needed to know about making a living out in the world and besides, she had been looking forward to a quiet life.
There was one last piece of advice she wanted them to have, so important that she saved it for last. As they stood on her porch, bags packed, she told them “There are some bad critters in this world who will try to take things away from you. The worst one I can think of is the Big, Bad Wolf. If you don’t watch out, he will get you and eat you all up!” Use your brains, don’t be afraid, but definitely keep your eyes open.”
“Don’t worry, Mom” the Three Little pigs told her. “We’ll be careful, you’ve taught us so well, and we will be safe.”
“OK.” She said. She handed them each a little purse with a lot of money in it, one for each of them. “This will get you started. You should find a nice place to live, fix it up and make it strong. You want to keep the rain out, stay warm and especially keep the Big, Bad Wolf away.” She gave them kisses and each one went off in a different direction.
The first Little Pig went towards the mountains. He had seen them from his mud puddle and wanted to see them up close. Along the way, he met a man with a truck load of straw. With an idea in his mind, he made a deal to but some of that straw and carried it up the hill with him. He stopped at a couple other stores and purchased some other stuff, like a lot of colorful cloth and a gas fired heater to keep him warm at night, and found his way to a clearing.
“This is a nice place” he thought, and he laid all of his supplies out. He began weaving with the straw, and made a nice round house with lots of windows and a door. He used some bamboo sticks to make a framework, and then attached the heater to the top. He sewed all of the cloth together into a huge bag, and then attached it to the top of the frame also. He turned on the heater and it warmed up the air inside the cloth bag, and the cloth bag raised up, full of hot air, above the little straw house.
Since the little house was in a clearing, anyone walking up would not see the big round airbag above the house, it was covered by the tree tops. Instead, they would only see a little round straw house.
Well, of course, somebody walked up. The Big Bad Wolf had seen the Little Pig carrying all his stuff up the mountain, and figured he would catch him soon enough. He walked up to the house and knocked on the door. “Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in, let me in!” He called out.
“Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!” Replied the Pig.
“Huh?” said the wolf to himself. “Wonder what that means?”
So the Wolf called again to the Pig. “Let me in Little Pig, or I’ll Huff and I’ll Puff and I’ll blow your house down!”
“I thought you would say that.” Said the Little Pig as he fired up the heater on the roof. “Do your worst!”
“So the Wolf took a deep breath, and blew at the little straw house. The house shuddered and shook, and pretty soon, it lifted off the ground. The Wolf blew again and again, but the straw house, attached to the cloth bag and had which had filled up with heated air, gently lifted off the ground and flew away. You see, warm air rises, and lots of very warm air is enough to lift as house off the ground. The Pig had made a hot air balloon for a house! The more the Wolf puffed, the farther the balloon went, until it was just a speck in the sky.
The Wolf was furious. “That is NOT the way it is supposed to work”, He yelled, he stamped his feet and shook his fist in the air, and off he went to find another meal.
Well, the second Little Pig had gone down to the sea, as he loved the ocean. Along the way, he met a man with a truck load of sticks. They were long, hard wood, well seasoned and fine, so he bought them all. The man had a long pole, so he bought it too. “Do you have any cloth” The Pig asked. “No, but my wife does” The man replied.
“Well, I’m taking the wood down to the beach. Could you deliver the cloth to me down there as well?” The Pig asked.
“Of course” And off the man went to pick up the cloth and some other things the Pig needed.
The Pig started to build his house that very day. He first made a wooden hull, long and tapered so that it would keep water out. Then he covered it with wooden planks and put a little square house on top of the deck. He fitted the pole firmly in the middle of the deck, and bolted it down very well. When the man returned with the cloth, he was surprised at how fast and how well the Pig had built his house. He stayed for tea and then helped the Pig put the cloth up on the pole and tie it off by the corners.
Well, the Wolf heard of another Little Pig living down on the beach, so he decided to go there and see for himself. Of course, it was true. There, right on the beach was a Pig busily hammering nails into a funny shaped wooden house.
“Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in, let me in!” He called out.
“Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!” Replied the Pig.
“Why do they keep saying that?” The Wolf wondered.
Wolf called again to the Pig. “Let me in Little Pig, or I’ll Huff and I’ll Puff and I’ll blow your house down!”
“Great! Just what I needed! Please, blow away!” Said the Little Pig as he raised the cloth and spread it out above the roof of his house.
This made the Wolf a little angry, as he figured the Pig was making fun of him. “I’ll show you” he said, and then he closed his eyes and took the biggest breath he had ever taken in his life. And blew it all out, expecting to see the pieces of wood flying all over the beach. When he opened his eyes, the house was still there, but it was a little farther away from the Wolf and a little closer to the water.
So he took another, even bigger breath and blew it out again. Well, this breath was like a Hurricane, it was so strong. But the Little Pig had built his house to stand strong winds, in fact, it loved strong winds because that made it go! The wind pushed the house into the water and it floated! The Pig had built a sailboat!
With each Big Blow, the house did not fall down, instead, it started sailing away. The Little Pig waved at the Big Bad Wolf on the shore and yelled “Thanks, sucker!” as the Wolf watched the boat float away on the sea.
“Darn it!”. The Wolf was really mad this time, and really hungry too!
The third Little Pig was the smart one. He wanted to go and live in the city. So when he got there, he found a big brick house right on the edge of the water that was perfect. It needed some fixup, but that was fine, this Pig knew what to do. So he paid for his new house and set about making it ready. He made the roof strong, he put in steel doors, he put bars over the windows, and he put in secret passages. And then he set about making it comfortable. Nice kitchen, Big TV, soft couches and, in the lower floor, a pool filled with nice, warm mud! Perfect for a Pig.
He had heard the news from his brothers about their adventures (they all had cell phones, of course), and figured the Wolf would show up sooner or later. And he was right.
Later that night, while the Pig was preparing a big dinner of stewed apples, corn and other mashed vegetables, he heard the door buzzer. He went to the video and picked up the phone and said “Yes?” On the TV monitor he could tell it was the Wolf, even though the Wolf was trying to disguise himself with a hat, scarf and fake beard.
.“Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in, let me in!” He called out. “I’m the TV repair man” he added, trying to fool this Pig.
“Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!, you ugly old WOlf” Replied the Pig.
“Darn!” said the wolf to himself.
So the Wolf called again to the Pig. “Let me in Little Pig, or I’ll Huff and I’ll Puff and I’ll blow your house down!”
This made the Little Pig laugh, he laughed so hard that tears fell down his face.
All he could say to the Wolf was “He he he, OK! … HA HA HA!”
Well, of course, this made the Wolf pretty mad. That, along with his empty stomach made him do the craziest thing. He tried to blow down a big brick building. Well, he huffed and puffed and blew and blew, but the building did not move at all. Nothing happened.
So he sat down in front of the house to cry. Had he looked up, he would have seen three Little Pigs on the rooftop looking down at him. He would have seen a big hot air balloon parked on top of the building. Had he gone around to the back, where the water came up to a dock at the back of the brick house, he would have seen a sailboat parked there. But he didn’t.
And he didn’t see the 500 water balloons that the Pigs threw off the roof until they all hit him, soaking him to the bone.
Douglas Filter has been a word-crafter all of his life. He has used his storytelling talents to organize presentations, law suits, technical papers and many other documents. He has written and published blogs, columns, articles, business plans and even recently, a draft of a patent. CV’s, contracts, business letters, all forms of written communication. If you need words crafted into a special message, please contact me.